Pretty Pictures

Last weekend we did nothing except cleanup and brush clearing.  So I thought I would just post a lot of pretty pictures.

Getting Old Part 2

I have decided that there are not just 10 things that suck about getting old, so I am going to continue my list as they come to me.  But based on my memory issues, I may have problems blogging about them.

11.        Where the hell do wrinkly knees come from?   How does that really occur, is that symptomatic of my thighs migrating down to my knees.  WOW, who knew?  This is not something my mother told me would happen to me.  And by the way, John (my beloved) made sure I knew HE did not have wrinkly knees.  Of course, he was lying down at the time.  And I will say my body looks much better lying down.  Everything spreads out and looks less, what’s the word….., ugly.  Yep that is it, ugly.

More Painting

Not much to say about this weekend, except more paining and it rained.  Always, a god send!

The Beast

Based on the title, no one would assume I am going to blog about mammograms, but I am, so if you feel you may be offended by me discussing the 'girls', I would stop reading now.  This medical test annoys me greatly.  I just want to know who invented the machine that I affectionately call 'the beast'.  All I can say about it, is that a MAN invented the stupid thing.  Not just any man, but a sadistic, SOB, with a small 'mind'.

Only a man would say; yearly every woman should go and place their 'girls' between two plates of steel while a vise grip squeezes them until they are flat as a pancake.  And oh yeah, by the way, we may not be able to detect your breast cancer, but you still need to do it because it is the best we got.

For those of you who have never been, you first walk into a room where the beast lives and with a x-ray technician, who would scare me in a normal situation, but next to the beast they are just frightening.  They always (at least everyone that I have had) look like they could beat up most of the men I know.  So, this is the person, who is going to 'man handle' YOU.  Yep, this is the person who is going to grab, push and maneuver my girls more than any husband I have ever had.  At least it is a woman (I think).

Then she proceeds to twist you into a pretzel shape.  First, you stand in front of the beast, and she says, put your right arm, over your head but hand towards your back, put your left arm behind your back, place your right foot in front of the left foot, move your shoulder forward.  OK, if that is not bad enough she then grabs your right girl (as if she owns it) and maneuvers it onto a steel plate that is about 30 degrees.  Then because the sadistic SOB who invented the beast, says you must put the top plate over her, the technican starts to lower it.  Once you think it can't get it any lower, she says, OK I am going to start lowering the top plate.  REALLY.  Yep, while you are standing there like a pretzel, trying not to move and you haven't breathed in a couple of minutes (at least since she grabbed you), then she starts to lower it.  And about the time you are about to scream, she stops and says in the most pleasant voice, 'OK, don't breath or move!'  At this point, I have crocodile tears in my eyes and the only thing that makes me not cry is my pride.  After the picture is taken, and she releases the vise grip, I wipe away the tear and she smiles and says OK the other SIDE!  And she proceeds to do the another side.

Once the whole humiliating experience is over, she says, let me make sure the pictures are Ok and we don't have to do again.  Well, there is NO WAY in hell, I am doing that again.  And it may take me another 5 years to get up the nerve to do it again.

I ask myself every year, 'Why haven't they come up with a better way.'  There must be a conspiracy is all I can think of. 

You don't ever see a medical test that is as evasive as those that we women must go through. 

I would love to see the beast used to detected testicular cancer.   But I don't see any man willing to put his boys onto a steel plate and have the crap squeezed out of them.  So why do we!  All I can imagine is that we have a genetic flaw.

Some may say this is totally inappropriate, but I think it needs to be said!

Getting Old

As many of you are aware, I am turning 50 in the next few weeks, and to say the least, I am not very happy about it.  The only good thing, is that my sisters are OLDER than me (ha ha).  When I turned 30, I was OK, when I turned 40, I was OK, but 50....sucks!  Here is why!

1.  If it doesn't hurt, it is stiff and sore.  Between my knees and shoulder hurting, and my hip being sore, it is just hard to move around.  WHY do you ask.  I asked the doctor the same question and he said well it is just because you are getting older and things wear out.  As you can imagine I am not going to that doctor any more (the SOB).  Even if it is true, a little bed side manner is required.

2.  Why is everything on my body 1 - 3 inches lower than it should be.  Why at 50 do things just go south.  It is bad enough that stuff hurts, but when stuff starts moving to the floor, that just pisses me off.  It hurts just to write about the 'girls' (so I am not)....that one has to be the worst. 

3.  Where my memory has gone is a mystery.   The only funny thing about it is that I cannot remember what I forgot!

4.  The only good thing about not being able to remember, is that you forget the things you can't see.  When I turned 40, I needed reading classes, now, I need reading classes ALONG with glasses just to see in general. 

5.  My daughter has turned 30.  Yep, I am old enough to have a child who is 30.  But she will always be my 'baby girl'.

6.  When your son says, 'you are to old to do that'.....yep, that hurts.

7.  Almost everyone I work with is old enough to be my child.  They all seem to be in their 20s and early 30s.  Why, oh why is the world so cruel.

8.  When the doctor says, 'it is time for a colonoscopy.  I told John we should do it together.  Nothing like dual colonscopies to make a couple close.  He said NO! 

9.  I am now officially closer to death than birth.  You can't double your age and think you will still be alive.  Pleasant thought isn't it!

10.  Trying to figure out when I will go through menopause.  Yeah, hot flashes, mood swings, weight gain....yep that sounds like A LOT of fun.

I could go on and on but I am already crying.

Painting

This weekend was very productive.  John worked on finishing out the siding on the barn.  I painted, and painted, and painted.  And the weather was beautiful, 60's in the day 40's a night.  A far cry from the 100 degree days....

6 Year Old Birthday Party

Tasha is the only person I know who can throw a 6 Year Old Birthday party and adults and kids enjoy it equally. First the food is amazing for both kids and adults: fruits, vegetables, asparagus, cheese tray, salad, corn, chicken lettuce wraps, pigs in a blanket, mac and cheese, french fries, just to name a few things. The decorations are the cutest....

Yep, Tasha made that movie sign....

 

 

Her party favors... 

 

Then the food....

 

Then the kids...this was not all of them, some did not want to be in the picture.

 

Just because he is cute!

Just because he is cute!

Just because he is cute!

Just because I can make fun of my dogs!  Yep that ear span is longer than he is tall.